Take Control

I need to take control of my life. Things have gotten so out of hand I don’t even know what’s going on half the time. Lately I’ve been getting angry at every little thing. I don’t know how to stop though. Sometimes life just goes haywire and you have to be the responsible one to put it back together, but I feel like I can’t do that unless I have help of some sort. I’m just not sure how to go about it. I purchased a book from amazon called, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life” so I really hope that helps. I may try to read some tonight since I’m caught up on my daily school work. Papers are another story which is why I’m stressed out as well.

I just need to learn to manage my time. I think I’m going to start staying on campus in between classes for the most part. If I do leave campus, I’ll make up the lost time that I could have been working on papers after Peyton goes to bed. I’m refusing to let this semester end on a bad note. I can’t keep letting myself fall into these ruts. I know that I need to make changes in my life, but it feels like whenever I think about them, something else always presides over it and the thought of change gets lost among the many other thoughts swarming around in my head. I need to figure out how to put the changes beside the other thoughts and have a chart in my head instead of stuff just swarming around like honeybees near a hive. My inner thoughts need to resemble the hive not the bees.

The Spring 2011 semester only has 3 real weeks left. Then it’s finals then we are done. I’m excited but nervous at the same time. I really want to do well in my classes to prove to everyone that I’m not a loser. That I can succeed. I have all A’s right now, but I’m sure by the time finals are over, they will be B’s or C’s. As long as I pass, I’ll be happy, but A’s make me much happier. I’ve got classes already lined up for fall semester, and I’m taking five. Should be pretty interesting. I need to look on the bright side of things instead of the bad side because I need to be more optimistic.

Ok, enough ranting, I have to go to class.

Sickness Ensues

Well, Christmas has come and gone. Thank goodness. The holidays are more of a pain because of all the traveling that I have to do during them. On the upside, I did get to spend a lot of time with loved ones, so it was a good Christmas. Now, on to the real news…I got fired. Well, sort of. It’s a long drawn out story that I’m not going to really type onto here because it would take too much thought and effort, and I’m not feeling the best right now. Let’s just say, I really hope I get unemployment because that would help me out a lot in the financial aspect of life.

School starts in about two weeks and I’m extremely excited. I purchased a few books online today, and I’ll pick up the rest at the bookstore the day that classes start. I am able to rent some of the more expensive books this semester, so that will save a bundle, plus I’ll get some money back when I turn them back in. I’m only taking four classes this semester, so hopefully I’ll be able to ace all of them with no problem.

Lately certain things have been getting to me and I don’t know why. Sunday Peyton was sick all day, running a fever and such. I took him to the doctor to make sure nothing was seriously wrong. The doctor said he just had a bad cold. Now I have a bad cold and feel awful. Yesterday was no fun. I had body aches and I was running a fever of 101. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I ended up falling asleep around 9, but Cody called around 9:30. I was in such a haze from the medicine, I couldn’t even comprehend what was going on, so I just got off the phone. I think he’s mad at me for that. Oh well…there is always someone mad at me for something it seems like. If it’s not mom, it’s Cody. If it’s not him, it’s Jeff, etc. I’m still feeling sick today, but I’m excited to watch the Eagles game tonight…in HD!

My mom finally upgraded to HD, so that makes me really happy. I can’t wait to watch the game tonight even though I’m sick. At least I don’t have to worry about going to work anymore. Tomorrow or Thursday, I’m going to go downtown and apply for some insurance and get things straightened out financially so when I move out, I have nothing to worry about. The date to move out is getting closer. January 8th is when I can leave and move into my uncle’s house. I’m really excited about that! Hopefully everything works out great and I am settled in before school starts Monday the 10th. I’ll be praying that everything goes as planned.

Change of Heart

Yes, I realize that I change my mind constantly. About many things. Some of which are important, some are not. Until recently, I have been flip-flopping back and forth between what I want to do in my life. Do I want to deal with six more TOUGH years of school and be in debt of the amount of 200K but be making about 100K yearly when I graduate? Possibly…but with this career choice, I would be unhappy, working in a place that I already despise, dealing with stupid people everyday. Working LONG (14 hour) days with no lunch break, and just feeling stressed most of the time. Or I could go with the second choice…staying in school for about 3 more years. Coming out with way less debt and way less stress. Finding a job may be a bit harder, but the outcome will suffice since I’d be a high school teacher; something I’ve wanted to do since, well, birth. I will be teaching kids (something I love) about a subject I’m really passionate about, English. Maybe I will even inspire a few, just like my 10th grade English teacher did for me. Yes, choice number two was my choice as well. I went and spoke with my adviser today and starting in January I will be enrolled as a full-time student at SU once again. I’m so excited I could pee myself.

Anyway, now that I’ve gotten all that out of the way, I feel rather accomplished today. I cleaned my room, did TONS of laundry, researched school loan options, and chatted with my dad. Also made dinner and now I’m here. Fun-filled day. Tomorrow I’m working 8-430 at a job I dread, then I’m off for the weekend. Seeing a neurologist on Monday. Oh, did I mention that I didn’t have my tonsils removed? Maybe, I forget. But I had a seizure before they put me to sleep, so they didn’t want to give me anesthesia. Dr. S decided I needed to see a neurologist. Should be a fun time. Hopefully it was just a one time thing and nothing comes of it.

In my first sentence, I was stating how I constantly change my mind about everything. Two things come to mind that I never had to change my mind about. Peyton and my fiancee, Cody. Never once did I think that I wouldn’t be without them once they came into my life, and how right I was. It’s amazing how life can be so dark and gloomy then it can turn around in an instant. I can’t wait until the new year when I get to start my life with the people that mean the most to me. Until then, I am stuck at my mother’s house, blogging, doing school work, and just…being bored. Like always.

Back On Track

So, I obviously over react to everything. I’m going to blame it on the new birth control and hormones. That’s a viable excuse in my book. So things are back to happyland. I’m so excited for next Monday! Hershey Park with KK!! I wish the other KK was going with us, but she’s not. Oh well…maybe I can take an outing trip with her sometime too haha. Last night was AMAZING. Just so everyone knows. I love Monday nights when I get to spend them with him. It sets the mood for the rest of the week. And it’s always a good mood. I can’t wait to actually start my life with him. It’s going to be the best. It’s only 9:30pm, but I’m so tired. Staying up late just isn’t cutting it for me anymore. Tomorrow I get off work at 4:30, so hopefully I can come home, spend quality time with Peyton, then once he goes off to bed, I will get two more computer lessons done for this course. Then I’ll feel really accomplished. I can’t believe it’s only supposed to be 74 degrees tomorrow. There is a cold front! But…it’s supposed to rain about three inches. I’m actually really happy about that because we need the rain, and it’s going to be cooler. I miss fall days. I can’t wait until it starts to get cooler and there is a little chill in the air. My favorite time of the year! Ok, well enough rambling. I’m sure I”ll actually write something worth reading eventually. I just had to make it clear that I’m the happiest and luckiest girl EVER!

I GOT IN!!!!

So today…in the mail…comes a letter from SU. Which isn’t completely abnormal since I get stuff from them all the time. I figured it was just another thing saying that they were still looking at my application. I open it and see 

“Congratulations you have been accepted to SU”

And I nearly peed my pants from excitement. I’m still elated. I get to go to www.su.edu in the fall! How amazing is that?!?! I’m going to study pre-pharmacy and hopefully next year I will be entering my P1 year in Bernard J Dunn Pharmacy School at SU. Ahhhhh I’M SO EXCITED!!!! I’ve been filling out tons of financial aid forms all night. It’s been fun. I have one more to print off and send in then I’m done. Well, not done, but done for now. I can’t wait. I know that I can do this and I’m so blessed to have the chance to prove myself. I won’t mess it up!

Anyway…everything else has been going good. Right now I’m about to fall asleep because I’ve been sick for about two weeks now. I can’t seem to kick this cough I have. Oh well, I’m sure it will go away eventually. I hope everyone has a good weekend coming up! I will write more about SU later on!