Maybe I’m Falling For You
So…I’m completely falling for this guy at work and it’s WRONG in SO many ways. Number one…he is my boss. So that’s a HUGE NO-NO. Ahhhhh….Number two…I’m still technically with M. But I have let him know that I don’t feel the same about him. That I don’t have the same love for him as I once did a long time ago. I think it’s because when Lil P was born, he treated me like crap. I should have broken up with him then….but NOOOO…I’m an idiot and I let him run all over me for about 8 months. Then he changes and it’s different…now I feel like a bitch for not loving him because he changed. Oh…and Number 3 HE’S MY BOSS.
I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt this strong about someone in a long time. My feelings are literally giving me stomach cramps and headaches because I can’t stop thinking about what I should do. I mean…this guy. He’s amazing. And I’ve told him that. And he knows how I feel. And he likes me too. That’s the really bad part. It would be so much easier if he could have just said ‘F*** off” or “Don’t talk to me ever again” But nooooo…he has to like me back. And he’s cute and funny and he has an actual CAREER instead of just a job (which M has a job…not a career…and he is taking forever to go back to school and he doesn’t know what he wants to do…blah blah blah). He’s smart, he’s laid back. He LOVES my son. And that’s a really hard quality to find in a guy with the rest of those wonderful qualities. He’s just a little older…(I’m 22, he’s 27). But it’s like the first time I met him (when he wasn’t my boss….does that still make it illegal? haha) I felt something. But then I didn’t see him for like 4 months after that….he was supposed to move back to his home state about 10 hours away…but decided to stick around up here and work here for a while instead.
I don’t really know why I’m writing all of this. I just need to get it out. It’s building up inside me. No, Mr. Boss and I have not done anything…we went out to breakfast at a restaurant. That’s it. But oh my gosh the urge that I have to hug him and kiss him…it’s overwhelming. And it’s driving me completely INSANE.
Epiphany
—a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
Yes, I’ve had one of those recently. Today, I realized that I want to be with M. I really do. After Saturday night and all the things that were said, and everything that happened, well I finally understood. Since I’ve been with M, I haven’t been in a situation where I would have been able to cheat on him, until Saturday night. And I chose not to. I chose to be mature and make the right decision because I had someone at home that I love and care for very deeply. I don’t ever want to lose him.
Even after all of the fights we’ve had, all of the screaming, not talking to one another, walking out, crying, and punching and throwing inanimate objects, I still love him. We’ve gotten through the worst. Now the best is yet to come. I am going to make this a short post and end it with some lyrics that I love…
“Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I’m right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you’re here
‘Cause when I’m a bullet shot out of a gun
‘Cause when I’m a firecracker comin’ undone
Or when I’m a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me”
Momma’s all worried when you get home late
And droppin’ the ring in the spagetti plate,
‘Cause your hands are shakin’ so much.
And it’s the way she looks with the rice in her hair.
Eating burnt suppers the whole first year,
And askin’ for seconds to keep her from tearin’ up.
Yeah, man, that’s The Good Stuff.”
Not a love this true
Common destiny
We were meant to be
Me and you
Like a perfect scene from a movie screen
We’re a dream come true
Suited perfectly for eternity
Me and you
Every day, I need you even more
And the night time too
There’s no way
I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to
Every day I live
Try my best to give
All I have to you
Thank the stars above
That we share this love Me and you
Every day, I need you even more
And the night time too
There’s no way
I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to
Ordinary no, I really don’t think so
Just a precious few
Ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you
Me and you
I love Kenny Chesney…..can’t you tell?
So…I Had A Baby
Yea, I did. Amazing right? And it didn’t even hurt that bad…haha. Here, I’ll start from the beginning since I haven’t really updated since the shower.
Well, I took off work starting February 8th because I figured the little guy would be early. I had been having contractions on and off for about 2 weeks and still nothing. March 1st (my due date) came and went. Finally, on March 4th I went back to the doctor and they said I would be induced Sunday March 9th at 7:00am. It felt like forever, but Sunday finally came around. M took me to the hospital and I got all set up in a labor and delivery room. They hooked me up with an IV and placed some sort of tablet in my cervix to soften it so it would dilate faster. About 4 hours later, they came in and checked my cervix and it had only dilated to two centimeters! They decided to give me the other half of the pill and start me on Pytocin. That kick started my contractions (which I was already having, they were just slow and irregular). This became quite painful. I couldn’t have an epidural until I was five centimeters dilated. That took forever! Around 2:30pm, I reached the 5 cm mark and the anesethiologist came in and gave me an epidural. Before this, I was in tons of pain so I got two doses of Staidol (or however it’s spelled). Once I got the epidural, things really got going. Around 8pm I felt the baby drop and there was a lot of pressure on my cervix. The nurse came in and checked me and she said it was almost time. About an hour and 15 minutes later, the doctor came in and I started pushing. I was a good pusher because 19 minutes later Peyton Conner Sullivan was born. 9:34pm 8 lbs 2 oz and 21.5 inches long. My beautiful baby boy was finally here!
I didn’t actually get to my hospital room until about midnight. M stayed with me both Sunday and Monday night. I went home on Tuesday afternoon after my bath class. The first week was rough because I was healing and it was hard to take care of a baby and be in a lot of pain. M and my mom were a lot of help. Now, nearly a month later, we are all doing great.
This Sunday I’m moving back to my dad’s house and a few weeks after that M is moving in with me. We are going to save money to get our own place, hopefully by the end of this summer. Well, I just thought I’d update everyone on life. I haven’t had much time with M, so this Saturday before the move, my mom is watching Peanut and we are going out for the day/night. I can’t wait!
