I’m Really Going To Try This Time Around.

In the past I have made some bad decisions. I have chose the wrong paths many times and I want to stop doing that. I always make promises or set goals (that are achievable) but I never follow through. I really thought about whyI don’t follow through on the things that really matter to me and it was simple. I didn’t have the willpower. Now that I am starting a new chapter in my life with the new house, I believe it’s time to “man up” and start living up to the goals I set and the promises I make. I know that I need to start acting like a responsible adult instead of a teenager that only cares about herself.

I believe that God can help me through these times if I really turn to Him. I have never really been a devout Christian, but I think it’s time to start doing the right thing and living by his word instead of doing what I want to do and not caring. Everyday people (including myself) are faced with tough decisions. We can choose the right decision or we can choose the decision that is wrong. Everyday I choose wrong decisions. Whether it’s breaking my promise to not order lunch at work (in order to save money) or if it’s not keeping my rooms clean (I hate messes, but am too lazy to actually clean them). I need to start doing the things that I say I’m going to do. If I keep on the path that I am on right now, I will continue hurting the ones around me. I will also not be happy with myself (which I’m not right now).

I have so much stress in my life right now and I know that most of it is actually my fault. Sometimes I overanalyze things way too much and that causes stress as well. I always feel anxious and nervous and it’s not good for my health. I know that if I really try hard this times things will eventually get better and stay that way. I have faith that I can do it…it will just take some time. I just need to believe and have faith in myself before I can truly change anything.

Sorry I am babbling so much. Honestly…I just need to write to get things out sometimes, just like 90% of the population haha. Hopefully things will start to look up for me. These are the things that I want to accomplish by the end of February…

1. Move into the house.
2. Start saving at least $50.00 a month.
3. Do NOT buy lunch at work anymore.
4. Have more patience when it comes to my relationships.
5. Learn to cook a few simple meals.
6. DO NOT BUY useless stuff that I DON’T NEED. (this is the biggest one…I’m a shopaholic and it needs to end NOW!)

I really know deep down inside that I can change. I will probably start writing in here more to help me out. Thanks for listening!

Christianity

Religion is something I’ve never really thought of as important. As a child, I went to church occasionally (mostly on holidays and a few random Sundays) but never took anything seriously. I would eat candy, draw on notepads, and talk during the service because I was too young to fully understand what was going on. My parents stopped taking me to church when I was about nine years old. Since then I’ve been maybe twice with a friend of mine. This past January, our pharmacy got a new pharmacist and he is very religious. At first I thought this was going to be a horrible experience, but I’ve noticed myself changing quite a bit (for the better). Before he left for his three week vacation about a month ago, he took me aside and asked me about my beliefs and a few other things. At first I was a little uncomfortable with it, but once we really started talking, I realized that I need to have a relationship with God. His thoughts inspired me to better myself (so far it’s working…very slowly though). He told me that he did not want to see me go to Hell because I did not believe Jesus Christ was my savior. I cried a little during the conversation and he told me that everything would be ok. It would take time, but he believed that I could do it.

I don’t believe that I am a bad person, and neither does he (nor anyone else I hope!). I have obviously committed sins in my life (I am pregnant and not married, I’ve done drugs, cursed, stolen, etc) but I honestly do believe that Jesus will forgive me for these sins as long as I take him into my life and start changing NOW. I guess I just have a few questions for anyone out there who is Christian and willing to help someone in need….

1. I want to go to church, but I have no idea where to start looking into churches or which type of church to go to. Any advice?
2. Can my baby be christianed even though the parents are not married?
3. How did you change your life once you accepted God into it?
4. What steps should I take to start bettering myself?

If someone could maybe share their experience with me, that would be great. I guess I’m just stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I am surrounded by people who constantly curse, do things they really shouldn’t do, haven’t accepted God, etc. I know this makes it harder for me to change, but most of these people I care about deeply and I can not afford to lose the relationship I have with them (one of these people includes my boyfriend). Thank you to anyone who can offer any advice!