WOW

So I haven’t updated this in…ohhh…6 months. Yeah, it’s been a while. Tons of stuff has happened. I’ll list everything then go into detail in another entry since I don’t have a whole lot of time right now.

1. M and I finally broke up. He stayed at the house we bought together. I moved back in with my mom.
2. I started school and am getting a BA in English at Shenandoah University.
3. Lil P is now a year and a half old. Makes me feel old!
4. I met someone. We are “dating” I suppose. But this guy told me he loved me, and I don’t know what to think of that. He’s a little older (27) so maybe he is looking to settle down? Who knows.

Sooo..that’s my update. I have to be headed to class soon, but I will update later if I’m in the writing mood!

So it has been quite a while since I wrote my first post. I have been so busy just moving in and getting settled. It’s been almost a month since we have moved in, but we are still unpacking little by little. Who knew I had so many things? At the end of the post I will put up somelinks of pictures of the house. If they look messy it’s becaues I took them when we were still unpacking and putting things in their place. Anyway…I LOVE the house. It’s so amazing! It’s a 3 story town home with 1500 finished square feet and 700 unfinished square feet. I can’t wait to finish the basement. It will be so amazing. It’s 3 bedrooms (4th bedroom rough-in in the basement), 2.5 baths (3rd full bath rough-in in the basement). Modern kitchen, spacious rooms. Ahhh it’s a dream home for me right now. I’m just glad to finally be on my own.  

In other news…I’m still trying to lose weight. I’ve been eating a little better. Going out to eat is what kills me. I need to learn how to order smart. I just want to lose 15lbs before June. I know I can do it. I’ve really wanted to start running in the morning since there is so much to see around here, but I just don’t have the motivation. Plus I always feel tired. I have no idea why. I wish I had more energy. Any ideas? Here is the link for the house pictures! (click HERE!!)

Hmmmm…I think Peyton may have another ear infection. He had one in February, but he went to the doctor and they treated it. Now he is grabbing his ear again and not eating well which is what happened last time. So we will see I guess.

For the biggest surprise…I got into SU! I’m so excited. I start in the fall. I just hope that I can get enough financial aid to attend. I got my estimate in the mail, and they cover the whole tuition for a year, but the estimate gave no left over money for books or living expenses. And I need money for that since I won’t be able to work full time when I am in school. I want to try and get about 15-20 hours per week, but I don’t know how that will work out. I hope it works to my advantage since I am a single mom. I hope the actual financial aid I will be getting is a lot more so I can make my half of the mortgage payment and car payment. I know that “M” will help out as much as he can because once I am done, I will have a rewarding career as a pharmacist. (Or maybe a teacher?) I really want to do both, but I know that’s not possible. Right now I am enrolled in the pre-pharmacy program at SU. I can always change if I want. Pharmacists make a lot more money than teachers, but being a teacher is something I’ve always wanted to do. I hope I can make my mind up soon. 

Tell me what you all think of the house!

Sad.

I’m depressed. I suck at life. I can’t keep feeling like crap. I know I’m wrong. I know I do things to upset people. He’s not coming home tonight. 

 

Dead Worms

It rained today. A lot. And there were tons of earth worms all over my sidewalk. It made me pretty depressed. I’ve been feeling depressed anyway, and just seeing those worms, dying on my sidewalk…well I don’t know. I feel like I’m not loved. Mostly by M. He just…I don’t know. He says that I never show him any affection. I think I show him a lot of affection. I kiss him, hug him, joke around with him. That’s my idea of affection. But apparently he has other ideas. He says that if I don’t start showing him the affection he wants, then it will make him cheat on me. That just doesn’t sound right at all. I’ve been suspicious lately. He has been staying out a little more each week. And there are weird phone numbers on his cell phone all the time…at weird times. I don’t know. I’ll write more later. Lil P is up.

It’s My Party & I’ll Cry If I Want To

Just finished reading “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy. Good book. VERY dreary and….just downright sad…and a little scary. Very detailed. I LOVED IT. I can’t wait for the movie…but I know the movie won’t do it justice. Even though Viggo is in it….I love him. Anyway….

I’ve been thinking lately. I need to learn to control what I eat. I eat tons of junk food daily…because it’s fast and readily available at my workplace. Plus I get a discount on candy and chips…and soda. I need to stop. And the stopping starts now. If that makes sense. NO MORE JUNKFOOD.

I’ve been thinking of buying Relacore. I heard it works pretty well and it helps get rid of belly fat. I still have mine from the weight gain from the baby. Never lost those last 10 pounds. So I am going to try to do so by the end of the year. I know it’s a bad time because of all of the holidays coming up. But I need to test myself. If I can do portion control and not overeat (like I do all the time) then I’ll know that I am starting to do better and I can actually lose the weight.

I just realized my feet are stinky. Boo…And I want to go shopping at American Eagles. Someone threw away my AE 20% off coupon that I got for my birthday. Not funny. Oh well…I’ll live. I get paid this week and that’s exciting. I have a few bills to pay but after that I will have some money left over. And I will go shopping.

I’ve been doing good on my savings. I put $15.00 a week in a regular savings account. And $50.00 a month into Lil P’s orange savings account. So that is $110.00 a month. Yay for me. I believe that I will be doing good. And I deserve to spend money. Since next semester I will be working my butt off at school by taking 4 classes and working full time. What fun! Oh…dont’ forget raising a baby. Yeahhh…at least he will be a bit older when classes start. And…I am taking two of them online so that’s good. My dad said he will help out as much as possible. So I’m glad for that. I’m trying really hard to do something with my life. To actually finish school and become something! I don’t want to have to work hard my whole life and barely have enough to live on. I want to be comfortable. To be able to do the things I want to do. And I hope I can accomplish that. I know I can.

That’s all.

Ears, Nose, Throat, ETC!

so…I’m looking for a host.
I am trying to start up my own website, but I need a host. I am going to buy a domain name. But I need some help from someone really nice out there. I want someone to host me, but I’m not that great at FTP and such. I would be willing to pay $25 to whoever would help me set up a website and create a layout for me. Pretty peas? haha….I’m decent at HTML, but haven’t had the time (or patience) to learn much FTP. I know enough to keep my website updated and such. It would be a huge help.

 

So, I believe I have an ear infection. I am going to the doctor tomorrow to find out for sure. But both of my inner ears have been KILLING me. Not to mention that I have a sore throat, coughing, and more sinus pressure than a geyser at Yellowstone. Anywho, I figured I’d write a bit today since I haven’t updated in a while.

M and I are doing a lot better. We haven’t fought in a while, so that’s a good sign (hopefully). Last night since I had taken some Mucinex D (it has sudafed in it) I was up half the night, so I stayed up until M got home at 11:30pm. We ate a little (well, he ate, I watched…I was too sick) and watched “Remember the Titans”. It was actually a good night. Lil P woke up at 3am like normal. This time I just let him cry it out. I need to stop him from waking up in the middle of the night, and this was my last resort, but I had to do it. He was doing so well from about 3 months to 5 months, then out of nowhere, this 3am monster shows up. Hopefully the habit will be broken soon. He only cried for about 15 minutes, then fell back asleep. That’s how I know it’s fake. I still hate to hear him cry though

What else…I have been studying a lot for the national test. Riz really helped me out at work. He showed me how to do IV Flow Rates as well as figure out how much of a drug is in an IV solution. Some of that stuff is so easy I don’t know how I didn’t figure it out. I’m just horrible at math word problems. I have about a month and a half left before I go to take it, so I hope I can get enough study time in. That’s what I’ll do as soon as I finish writing this!

Hm….well, I don’t really have much else to update on. My internet is crazy. That’s about it haha….until next time!

The Age Old Story of Heart Vs. Head

My head tells me to stay with the one I’m with. If I do this, there will be a lifetime of comfort, support, and love (unless we are fighting, which has been quite a bit recently). My heart tells me to move on, there are better things out there in the world, to see and do. More people to meet and more love to give and recieve.

My head is telling me I’m scared, that I won’t be able to survive without him. What will he do if we seperate? I can’t stop thinking about this.

My heart tells me, just go for it. If you both were meant to be together, then it will eventually happen.

He has been recently talking to his ex-girlfriend. More than just once or twice. What does this mean? He says it means nothing, but of course he is going to say that…why would he tell the truth?

What is going to happen. I don’t know what to do. For the past month or so, we have been fighting nonstop. Nearly everyday. Bad fights. Yelling and calling names. It’s not pleasent.

On the other hand, I don’t want to let him go. I’ve been committed for so long, and he is the father of my son. What will happen? What will people think? I’m stuck.

I know there is so much more out there. I really do.

Va-Cay

So the trip to Sandbridge was a lot of fun. I hung out with M’s family all week and we had loads of fun with Lil P. I’ll post some pictures…. We are leaving this Sunday to go to Myrtle Beach, SC. We will be gone until Monday the 9th (i think haha).

 

 

Cpht Certification

So I have decided to become a nationally certified pharmacy technician. I’m going to take the test within the next few months, so wish me luck! I have a book to study from, so AU will be put on hold for just a little while. The next testing date isn’t until October 17th-November 2nd, so I have a while to study…Thank God. I have most of the stuff down, like the top 200 drugs, but I need a little help with the IV formulations and stuff. CVS offered to pay for my national certification. So once they do that, I’ll head over to Walgreens. I believe I’m going to apply at the WMC as well. They pay better and there is free daycare, so it’s a good deal all around!.

Like I said…wish me luck!!!

When It Rains, It Pours

So right now I’m in a financial downfall. I have $100.00 in my bank account which is going to be used to pay for my school for the week. Then on Friday when I get paid, all of that money is gone too. Ugh..it makes me sick. I can’t wait until the end of September when vacations are over and I can get back to having a regular paycheck. I have to take 2 weeks of unpaid leave, one in August (to go to Sandbridge), and the other in September (to go to Myrtle Beach and Aiken). Fun stuff. I can’t wait. I just got three doctor bills in the mail too because my insurance SUCKS. It will all turn out ok though. I know it. Life just takes time

Hmmm…other than that, it has been storming here like crazy. Last night I seriously thought my house was going to blow away because the wind was whipping around, lightening flashing everywhere, and the rain was coming down in sheets. I was actually scared. The sky was also green which can only mean one thing…tornado. Thank God we didn’t get one though.

Since Lil P is asleep right now, I believe I’m going to update a few things on the computer then when he gets up, give him a bath, feed him, and put him back to bed. Wooo hoo. My life is sooo exciting right now.