I’m Really Going To Try This Time Around.

In the past I have made some bad decisions. I have chose the wrong paths many times and I want to stop doing that. I always make promises or set goals (that are achievable) but I never follow through. I really thought about whyI don’t follow through on the things that really matter to me and it was simple. I didn’t have the willpower. Now that I am starting a new chapter in my life with the new house, I believe it’s time to “man up” and start living up to the goals I set and the promises I make. I know that I need to start acting like a responsible adult instead of a teenager that only cares about herself.

I believe that God can help me through these times if I really turn to Him. I have never really been a devout Christian, but I think it’s time to start doing the right thing and living by his word instead of doing what I want to do and not caring. Everyday people (including myself) are faced with tough decisions. We can choose the right decision or we can choose the decision that is wrong. Everyday I choose wrong decisions. Whether it’s breaking my promise to not order lunch at work (in order to save money) or if it’s not keeping my rooms clean (I hate messes, but am too lazy to actually clean them). I need to start doing the things that I say I’m going to do. If I keep on the path that I am on right now, I will continue hurting the ones around me. I will also not be happy with myself (which I’m not right now).

I have so much stress in my life right now and I know that most of it is actually my fault. Sometimes I overanalyze things way too much and that causes stress as well. I always feel anxious and nervous and it’s not good for my health. I know that if I really try hard this times things will eventually get better and stay that way. I have faith that I can do it…it will just take some time. I just need to believe and have faith in myself before I can truly change anything.

Sorry I am babbling so much. Honestly…I just need to write to get things out sometimes, just like 90% of the population haha. Hopefully things will start to look up for me. These are the things that I want to accomplish by the end of February…

1. Move into the house.
2. Start saving at least $50.00 a month.
3. Do NOT buy lunch at work anymore.
4. Have more patience when it comes to my relationships.
5. Learn to cook a few simple meals.
6. DO NOT BUY useless stuff that I DON’T NEED. (this is the biggest one…I’m a shopaholic and it needs to end NOW!)

I really know deep down inside that I can change. I will probably start writing in here more to help me out. Thanks for listening!

It Ain’t Easy Being Me

So I haven’t written in a really long time. I figured I should update to let everyone know I’m not dead. A lot has happend since the last time updated (including a broken spacebar key on my keyboard…grrrr).

So I worked things out with M. We are slowly working on things. We decided that the main cause was that we are living with my father and brother and that’s just way too many people in a small house. So we (well, the new house is just in his name) bought a townhome. Brand new….http://www.boydscrossing.com. Ours is the second to last one in the row on the main page. Yellow with green shutters. Woooo…it’s sooo beautiful on the inside. I will take tons of pictures the next time that we go visit before moving in. Things already seem better to me, so that’s good. We have been getting along better and not fighting as much. M has also done a complete turn around. He stopped going out at night and he is staying home with Lil P and I a lot more. He has also stopped the bad habits that he has had since I’ve known him. I’m very proud of him. So I hope things work out.  I know they will work out for the best no matter what happens.

About the boss….we will call him E. E and I have hung out a few times. He’s a really great guy. We have a lot in common and he is always sweet to me. We act normal at work which is good. Nothing is weird at all. In a way, I think that he may just be an escape for me…he is something that can take me away from my normal life. When I’m with him I forget about all of the worries I have at home. I just have fun and don’t think about anything else. We have a lot of fun together and I’m pretty sure he likes me. I did let him know that I wasn’t trying to take advantage of him or lead him on though. We flirt a lot and we have hung out, but that’s about the extent of it. I don’t think anything will ever become of it. He’s just a great guy that I like being around. End of story.

As for other news…I’m going grocery shopping on Saturday and I’m going to do a detox diet for seven days. No red meat, processed food, sugar, tea, caffiene, gluten, dairy, or chocolate. Which is pretty much all I eat now, so that should be fun. I’m excited. I took this test to see if I needed to detox and it said most definetely. So I’m doing it. I know it will make me feel better. I’m also going to buy a multivitamin and actually take it daily. Along with vitamin E and a probiotic. After I detox, I am not going to eat anymore meat. No fish, no sausage, no bacon, no burgers. Nothing. I’m really going to try hard this time. Every year I vow to be healthy, but this year I’m doing it.

I’ve also been using the Wii Fit lately (oh yes, I bought a Wii…best invention EVER). I’m doing the yoga and strength training every other day. I think it’s starting to work, so hopefully by summertime I can wear a bikini and not feel embarrassed! Wish me luck this time!

Oh yes…I’m so glad that Barack Obama is now the president. And we can say President Barack Obama!!!

 

New fave song…. Chris Knight “It Aint Easy Being Me”

There ought to be a town somewhere
Named for how I feel
Yeah I could be the mayor down there
And say ‘welcome to sorryville’
It wouldn’t be on a map no where
You might say that it don’t exist
But if you make enough wrong turns
It’da be hard to miss
There ought to a bridge somewhere they could dedicate to me
I’d probably come to the ceremony with a can of gasoline
Walk on over to the other side
Where I’d light a match
Sit and stare through the smoke and flames and wonder how I’m gonna get back
Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way or am I self made fool?
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark
I need your love but I break your heart
And I know the words that’ll bring you back but
But I don’t say nothing as I watch you pack
I had to work to become the jerk I’ve come to be
It ain’t easy being me
There oughta be a side show “act”
For freaks like me
I could be the star of the show w/ my name on the marquee
In a room with a big red button that says ‘danger do not touch’
Twice a day I’d mash it down and you can watch me self-destruct
Why do I do the things I do
Was I born this way or am I self made fool
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark
I need your love but I break your heart
And I know the words to get you back but
But I don’t say nothing as I watch you pack
I had to work to become the jerk i’ve come to be
It ain’t easy being me
It ain’t easy being me