Maybe I’m Falling For You

So…I’m completely falling for this guy at work and it’s WRONG in SO many ways. Number one…he is my boss. So that’s a HUGE NO-NO. Ahhhhh….Number two…I’m still technically with M. But I have let him know that I don’t feel the same about him. That I don’t have the same love for him as I once did a long time ago. I think it’s because when Lil P was born, he treated me like crap. I should have broken up with him then….but NOOOO…I’m an idiot and I let him run all over me for about 8 months. Then he changes and it’s different…now I feel like a bitch for not loving him because he changed. Oh…and Number 3 HE’S MY BOSS.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt this strong about someone in a long time. My feelings are literally giving me stomach cramps and headaches because I can’t stop thinking about what I should do. I mean…this guy. He’s amazing. And I’ve told him that. And he knows how I feel. And he likes me too. That’s the really bad part. It would be so much easier if he could have just said ‘F*** off” or “Don’t talk to me ever again” But nooooo…he has to like me back. And he’s cute and funny and he has an actual CAREER instead of just a job (which M has a job…not a career…and he is taking forever to go back to school and he doesn’t know what he wants to do…blah blah blah). He’s smart, he’s laid back. He LOVES my son. And that’s a really hard quality to find in a guy with the rest of those wonderful qualities. He’s just a little older…(I’m 22, he’s 27). But it’s like the first time I met him (when he wasn’t my boss….does that still make it illegal? haha) I felt something. But then I didn’t see him for like 4 months after that….he was supposed to move back to his home state about 10 hours away…but decided to stick around up here and work here for a while instead.

I don’t really know why I’m writing all of this. I just need to get it out. It’s building up inside me. No, Mr. Boss and I have not done anything…we went out to breakfast at a restaurant. That’s it. But oh my gosh the urge that I have to hug him and kiss him…it’s overwhelming. And it’s driving me completely INSANE.

Nuvaring

So I know this is a weird subject to talk about, but my birth control hasn’t been really effective (I’ve had a lot of breakthrough bleeding and such). So I called my doctor and he said to try Nuvaring. At first I was like “There is no way I’m sticking something up there for 3 weeks then taking it out. Ew.” But so far, I like it. I don’t have to worry about taking a pill every morning. I don’t feel anything. It’s nice. The only downfall is that it could possibly slip out during sex (which I’m not really having any at the moment haha). So I have no worries about it now. I will cross that bridge when it comes.

On to other news…nothing much has been happening lately. M and I are…well, trying to work it out. Who knows. He has shown some change recently, so that’s good. But I’m not keeping my hopes up. I just don’t want to be let down again.

Lil P has been really fussy lately and he hasn’t been sleeping well at all. It’s taking a real toll on me.  But at least he is good when he is up (for the most part) so I don’t get too frustrated.

I have a secret. I can’t tell though. It’s driving me crazy. I think I”m going to keep this one to myself though. At least for now :-X