Aqua Reef

Well, Jacksonville, Florida has been pretty amazing. The scenery is great, the food is delicious, and the people are extremely polite. My training is over now. It ended today around 4:30pm. I passed the class with an A and I’m extremely comfortable with the entire refracting process now. It’s been a great time except one tiny thing. I had to bring my mom and that was a mistake. She has been on my case about everything. It’s really annoying. I have been dealing with it well though. She lightened up today a little when we ate at Sticky Fingers (which is an amazing place and has great Oreo pie by the way) but she is still being really…just annoying. Four days with mom is just…way too much. Tomorrow our flight leaves for home though, so it will be ok. I can survive another 24 hours.
Tomorrow is my day to relax. We don’t have to check out until 3pm, then we are leaving for the airport. I’m spending the whole day at the beach. Well, I’ll probably wake up aruond 9am or so, dress, go to the beach, hang out there until about 2pm, then head back up, shower, and leave. I love flying and I can’t express how wonderful it is. I like the view from the sky, the airport itself, and I love watching all of the people at the airport. I’m excited for tomorrow.
Everyone keeps texting me and calling me wanting to hang out, but I can’t because I’m about 1000 miles away. And NO ONE ever calls me to hang out. Only when I go away…so I hope a bird takes a shit on all of your heads.
Man…I seriously need to get away from my mom for a while. I’m starting to talk like her, and it’s not good. She is a smart person, but it’s like…she can’t put her words together to form halfway intelligent sounding sentences. She talks like a backwoods hick from the hills of West Virginia. Screw that.
Ok, well now for some pictures, then I’m going to listen to some music, watch a little tv, talk on the phone more (teehee) then go to bed. I hope everyone has a splendid weekend and while I’m laying on the beach tomorrow I’ll be thinking of you all

If you want to see the other pictures, then click here

So I Ate My Underwear

I just read the book called, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” and it was especially good. I thought it might be a little too high schoolish for me, but I was wrong. Yes, it was a tad high school-esque, but I didn’t mind one bit. I found it entertaining, though the overall feeling I got when I was reading it was a lonely, distraught one. The 213 pages took me about 3 hours or so to read, which in my book, is pretty fast. Brian recommended it when we were out Friday night, so I just said, “What the hell?” and purchased it.

Hm…Friday was good. I worked then hung out with Brian that night. Good times, especially with our semi-matching shirts. It was amazing. Oh, the waitress at Red Lobster. So cute haha.

Saturday was rather boring, but I did get to go shopping so it wasn’t all bad.

Today…well let’s just say I haven’t really moved around much. Except to shower and take the dog out. Yea, I’m lazy.

Tomorrow will be full of excitement! Not really…just going to the doctor, then to work, then to hell (aka Wal-Mart), then coming home to work on some English because I just realized today that I’m pretty much failing the class. Tuesday I’m working from 11-5 because I have comp time I need to use up. Then I’m going to class, then hopefully hanging out with Neil after that. Yea, too bad I don’t have a Valentine. BOOOO VALENTINES DAY SUCKS AND I HATE IT. Yea, Tuesday will be really depressing, especially since everyone I work with is married. So I get to come into work and hear about all of the cute things the husbands did/are going to do. Then when they all ask what my plans are, I get to say “Yea, so I’m going to class, then probably to my mom’s house.” Wow…what a great way to spend Valentine’s day.

I shouldn’t complain. I just really don’t want to hear about how everyone else’s sweetheart got them chocolate (which I’m allergic to), flowers (which I hate, well…except snap dragons), and jewelry (I don’t really have a complaint here, but no guy has ever bought me jewelry, and it’s obviously not happening this year either).

Wow I’m shutting up now. Goodbye.

You Watched Me Fall

For some reason, I fell into the trap of evil once again. I submerged myself into thinking that this time it would be different. It’s not. It never was different. I felt so alive, so fulfilled, so energized and happy because of this one thing, but it ended up being just like every other time I fall for someone. They always find someone better; someone cuter, someone smarter, someone more humorus and delightful and…someone more amazing. I’m not upset, just disappointed because I had never felt that way before, and I doubt I’ll truly ever feel that way again. This will be the last blog I write about…well, this. I’ll move on, just like every other time. Pick up the pieces, tape them back together, and continue on my journey in hopes of maybe finding the one that’s different. I know it’s not impossible, and though maybe I should have given up hope eons ago, I still have that tiny light in my heart telling me to keep trying, keep moving along.

I need to make myself more guarded. I let people in too easily and they take advantage of it before I realize what I have done. From this day forward, I’m going to put up my guard, my brick wall. I just can’t take the disappointment anymore. Yes, disappointment. Not sadness, not regret, not anger. Just disappointment. And it’s been happening a lot lately. I used to confuse disappointment with sadness, but not anymore. I can honestly say I’ve never felt more disappointed than I do right now. Well, except the time I lost the Easter egg hunt when I was in 5th grade visiting my grandparents in Florida.

dis·ap·point (ds-point)v. dis·ap·point·ed, dis·ap·point·ing, dis·ap·points
To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.

Yes, it’s how I feel. Maybe one day, when the right time comes along, I won’t feel disappointed anymore. I think I’m more disappointed in myself anyway. I let everyone in. I give them my heart, and they use it to their advantage, whether it be just to have someone around until they find someone new, or to use me in a physical way to get what they want. Either way, I refuse to let it happen again.

Maybe I’ll hurt feelings with this, maybe I won’t. Who really knows? Obviously I still have a lot of growing to do. I realize that there is so much more to life than love or being in a relationship. I need to learn to live without someone wanting me and needing me the way I feel I need and want someone. It will make life a whole lot easier and it will let me see the sun without having a pair of sunglasses on, persay.

I do believe I have written enough for right now. I’ve probably said too much by putting my feelings out there, but hey, since it’s the last time I’m doing it, might as well make it good, right?